Make Me Wanna Holla: By Knowfrillz
Do women know what they really want when it comes to having a mate?

Is it weird that the sun sometimes depresses me? I never thought that I would be where I am right now. I thought that if I was the type of man that women “say” they want, that my relationship would work. I thought that if I worked on those things my ex told me bothered her about my personality, it would make her happy, thus making “us” happier. I thought that if I applied all of the information that I have received from women who have touched my life in some way, shape or form, that I would become some amalgamation of every positive trait the men in their lives possessed; thus making me a “Super-Mate”, or something to that effect. However, somewhere along the line, logic deserted me like too many males (not “men”) have done to their children. I forgot a couple of the basic rules of relationships, which of course contributed to the collapse.

First, and most important, is the fact that women are utterly, hopelessly, and eternally confused! How can a man become this “ideal mate” for a woman, when she in fact has no clue as to what her “ideal mate” is? I am sure many women are disagreeing with me now; dismissing me as being just as clueless about your species as every other “Neanderthal Man” that you have ever met, including the “missing link” you are currently involved with. Well, I am guilty as charged and been convicted to a life sentence of cluelessness without a possibility of parole. Nevertheless, my statement is not without merit. And for those who believe I am full of feces, be prepared to confess like Jimmy Swaggart did to his congregation. In addition, I want the requisite tears as well as the “I have sinned against you!” statement.

So you meet this guy. You like the guy. You get involved with the guy. You develop a relationship with the guy. The guy is good, but not perfect, and you feel that your relationship would be “perfect” or pretty close to it if he could stop doing that one thing he does that annoys you more than anything else on earth!
Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that he likes to go to strip clubs.

So to the rest of you, let’s make a few things clear about this situation. Your man is 100% completely faithful to you. When he leaves the club, he comes straight home to you. AND when he gets home, you damn near get your uterus punctured from the “lovin’” this cat gives you. However, instead of seeing this as his time to “hang with the fellas”, you see it is female degradation, a waste of time and money, and complete and utter disrespect for you as his mate. Keep in mind the fact that he was going to strip clubs when you met him, when you decided you liked him, when you decided to get involved with him, and during the duration of this relationship the two of you have formed. So why is it a problem now? I have often heard from people a lot wiser and older than me say “it doesn’t matter where you work up your appetite, as long as you come home to eat.” And ladies, do not act as if you’ve never felt a little extra frisky after looking at LL Cool J wearing a tank-top in a rerun of “In The House!” This is not manifesto for the advocacy of adult entertainment; it is just an example.

Finally, after years of hearing you complain about him frequenting gentleman’s clubs, he decides to give it up to make you happy and help the relationship progress. Now he is at home and in your face those extra four nights a month. Instead of him being out and leaving you with some personal time to give yourself a pedicure and catch up on the gossip of the week with your girlfriends, he is at home with you – JUST WHAT YOU WANTED, RIGHT? WRONG!!! Now you have less time to yourself, and you get the feeling that he is now “smothering” you. You start to say to yourself “Why is he always around? Doesn’t he have anything else to do besides hanging all up under me? I never get any time to myself! I am about to go crazy! I NEED SOME SPACE!!!!!!!” BOOM! Relationship over.

The issue here is simple. Change is not always for the better. When one decides to become involved with someone else, they are deciding to make a commitment to that person – the ENTIRE person; positive and negative. In order to make the commitment in the first place, there has to be enough substance there to draw one in. When the other person alters behavior for the sake of the relationship, they alter the person their mate was first attracted to. And often times, the end result is a person you no longer want to be involved with.

This is a universal issue, no matter what genders are involved. People have to recognize within themselves from the beginning if the negative aspects of our potential mates are things we can deal with in the long term. They can not go into relationships with the expectation of changing these characteristics because these aspects are an inherent part of who the potential mate has become in their lifetime. Unless someone recognizes a flaw within oneself and is willing to change it for the purpose of his or her own progression, you must be willing to accept that person as is, flaws and all. And if you are not willing to accept those issues, you must be strong enough to move on.

 

** Have a question or comment for Knowfrillz? You may e-mail him at knowfrillz@highergroundonline.com**