Out, Damned Spot! By L.G. Readmore

Part 1: The Wet Spot Theory

Alright, so the other day I’m in another conversation about what else? Relationships…….of course! Another installment of the never ending lecture series….nothing serious though………. just talking with some of my partners.

As we chat, one of my closest boys is describing his current conundrum. Here is a brother who has a lot going on for himself…..single, no kids, good job, nice crib, and a good head on his shoulders. Currently he is “involved” with a woman of equal yoke who would do almost anything for this brother and would probably jump at the chance to be his girl/wifey/. Now one would say “hmmmm…what’s the problem?” well let me explain.

As much as my boy is stepping into the fullness of his manhood and is striving to do right by God and those he cares about, he, like many of us brothers, is struggling to pull that last foot up out of youthfulness and inherent curiosity. While he recognizes that in order to fully embrace his role as a man, one must put away childish things, the brother cannot deny that part of him desires to explore options until he can longer do so. Okay who am I fooling? Let me not mince words here…….this brother still got that “playa” in him! Just being real, I can’t be mad at him because this is my boy and I think just like him.

I previously stated that my boy is “involved” with this woman. By that I mean that the two are “kickin it” or dating but not exclusively. Now the reason they are not in a committed relationship is of course because the brother is definitely not ready. However it’s not because he doesn’t see the value in this woman or realize that she would do anything for him. To be honest, he is actually upset with himself for not being able to fight through the playa in him and do the right thing by her. He has thought to himself and out loud “Man why can’t I just push fast forward on this thing and get to the point where I am ready for this woman and this relationship? Opportunities and women like this do not come a dime a dozen!” So what do I say to console my friend as he struggles with an issue very common to brothers all over……….”Man you just gotta wait for your shirt to dry!”

So after he proceeds to looked more confused than a hooker in church and ask me what the hell I am talking about, I begin to enumerate one of many analogies that my crew and I come up with to describe various situations in our lives. So in a nutshell, here is my theory.

The situation previously described with my boy wishing he was done with his playa ways in order to do the right thing with his lady-friend (and pretty much be in good standing with the on looking world) is analogous to him having a wet spot on his shirt. Now when I say a wet spot, I’m referring to a spot from water or something clear and not a colored stain. So when you have a wet spot on your shirt, most likely you would love for it to go away. It is often times very noticeable to onlookers and is often associated with something derogatory for the shirt wearer (i.e. clumsiness or lack of grace). Even in some cases when the wet spot is not easily noticed by the general population, the shirt wearer may still be fully aware that the spot is there.

So it goes with the playa mentality hindering the onset of fully realized adulthood and all of its ensuing responsibilities. I know it sounds like an extreme oversimplification of the issue but just bear with me here.

In the world of mature adults, being a playa usually has a negative connotation. I stress the world of mature adults because some children, numerous entertainers, and smaller minded individuals would lead one to believe otherwise. Nonetheless, from a spiritual aspect it is unfulfilling and mutually debilitating for a person to play on the emotions of others for their personal gain. It is ultimately necessary to shun this type of behavior if one is to be acknowledged as a responsible adult by society’s standards.

Here we insert the wet spot theory. I emphasized originally that this was a water spot and not a stain because this playa mentality can belong to many upstanding individuals and is very intangible from an onlooker standpoint. Being a playa, in and of itself, does not make you a horrible person and it certainly does not make you a sinner (unless we are talking about fornication) so rather than having to actually get out a tough stain on your person we will refer to this syndrome as having a wet spot. And as much as you want this annoying spot to be gone, it will not simply disappear just because you wish it away…….even if you concentrate really, really hard! So how does the spot get off of your shirt? TIME MUST GO BY. (For this example ONLY, we will equate time with maturity!)Suppose you start out with a very big wet spot on your shirt (equivalent of a big time playa-playa). You know that spot is not going anywhere anytime soon! Sure it may get smaller as time goes by (as you get more mature) but you better believe that spot will still be there for a while whether you want it gone or not.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are things you can do to expedite this drying process, with one particular method standing out more than others. (Hold on folks cause I’m about to rattle some people here) The best and most significant method for drying up the wet spot is to go out in the sun (or the son = Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior) What better way can you think of to have your spot(s) removed or dried than going out into the natural goodness of the sun and have that sunlight accelerate the process?

Like I mentioned before there is nothing that you can do individually to speed up the drying process but when you step out into the sunlight, you have access to a never-ending supply of thermal energy. One thing to consider however before you step out there all willy-nilly……you better believe if you step out there in the sun, the heat will be upon you! I don’t want to get on a soapbox here but one can’t expect to have their wet spot dried up quickly without that heat being upon them. And that heat will not just go to that wet spot either. That heat is going to be on the person as a whole! So, you will get your spot dried and even some wet spots that you didn’t know you had but it will not come without some discomfort to you and what you are used to.

So let me bring it back together here. My boy, for the purpose of this analogy, can be viewed as having a wet spot on his shirt, as do many of us today. There are big spots, small spots and all sizes of spots in between. There are actually those out there who are okay with having a wet spot on their shirt and then there are the ones of us who would desire to have a dry shirt. For those of us who so desire to have a dry shirt, we must come to grips with the fact that we do still have a wet spot on our shirt and not ignore it. Ignoring it will surely hinder its diminishing. In actuality if we ignore our wet spot and are not cognizant of the behaviors that led to us getting the wet spot in the first place then it is very possible that we could get bigger spots or a larger amount of wet spots by continuing on with our previous behaviors. On the other hand we can address our behaviors and our wet spots and take actions to get them dried up. If we simply take an introspective look and go outside (of ourselves) we can get an overabundant amount of the sunlight necessary in our drying process.

Coming Soon: Part 2: Five Star Restaurant: Only accepting patrons with Dry Shirts on!