Someone Else's Wife By Gerald Alston

Ever since we broke up, I knew the day would come. In some ways, I’ve been preparing myself for it. But there is no real way to prepare. You never know how you will respond to a situation until it presents itself. And one particular day that I have not been looking forward to has arrived. The woman I once thought I would marry is engaged to another man.

This is one of those missing chapters from The Life Manual they handed out to us when we were born. No one can tell you what it will feel like when the phrase “moving on” is finally realized; when a person, who at one time was the closest to you outside of your family (and in some cases, closer), is gone for good. But if it is anything like I am feeling, I am pretty sure it somewhat mirrors the type of relationship the two people shared.

I had a lot of issues with marriage stemming from my childhood at the time when the subject began to present itself in our relationship. The biggest problem was that I was not aware of these issues because I never had to seriously deal with them in an adult relationship. Sure, the subject of marriage came up in every relationship I have ever been in at one time or another. However, during those younger days, it was more “daydreaming” than anything else and the day that my marriage would actually occur seemed so far off. This time was different. I was no longer a teenager or a college student. This wasn't some 'puppy love.' I was an adult with a very solid relationship with a woman who, at the time, may have loved me even more than I loved her which seemed almost impossible.

Things got real for me very quickly and I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I had to deal with crap that was hidden in the deep recesses of my mind and my emotional makeup that I never even knew existed. And needless to say, I did not handle things well. Instead of talking to this woman, who probably would have done everything humanly possible to try and help me sort through those issues, I chose to retreat, shut her out and try and deal with them on my own the best way I could. I didn’t know how to tell her that I unsure if I was capable of being faithful to her because of things experienced earlier in life. I was not able to articulate the things I felt were lacking in our relationship that I felt would help ensure its longevity. And there were a lot of other things that I felt I could not talk to her about; when in reality, she was the ONLY person I should have been talking to. I really did not recognize what I had. I guess sometimes when you care so much about something, you sabotage it out of fear. And I think that is what I did for some strange reason that I still cannot explain to this very day. I did a lot of praying and soul-searching during that time. And in that time, the Creator was slowly leading me back to her from my retreat.

Then, in an instant, it happened. We were out visiting another couple one evening. She was talking to her friend and I was chatting with my boy. I happened to glance over at her, and all off a sudden, I could no longer hear what he was saying to me. It was like something out of a movie. The whole room fell silent even though there were two conversations going on. I was looking at her and I could not stop. It was like I was seeing her for the first time all over again. And I distinctly heard the voice in my head say “That’s my wife. I am looking at my wife right now.” I saw her mothering my children. I saw us growing old together. And I was 100% sure at that moment. She had broken down that final door to the deepest part of my being and there was no escaping that.

Over the next few months, I started planning the proposal. I began looking for rings; the whole deal. Meanwhile, she was going in the complete opposite direction. 3 months before I had planned on proposing to her, she told me she needed “space.” 2 weeks before that day, we broke up for good.

In the time since, I have healed. It was difficult. There were days when it hurt so bad, I wanted to pull my heart out just so it would stop hurting so damn much. I hated her for a while. I hated myself for a while. But as time has passed, it has all disappeared except for my love for her. And I realize that love will never disappear. It can’t - and I don’t want it to.

That love, which is still present when I type her name every morning as my password to log into my work computer, has gone through a metamorphosis. And that metamorphosis began that night over our friends’ house. It’s some of that Sade “No Ordinary Love” type love. It is love for her as more than a girlfriend or wife. It is love for “her” and all that she is. And it is love enough to be happy for her during this momentous occasion in her life.

I am happy for the fact she has found what she was looking for; what we are all looking for. Her happiness makes me happy. It always has and it always will. I pray that he sees what took me too long to recognize.

So I would like to say to you one last time miss, I love you. And thank you for teaching me what love really is. I know you will make a beautiful bride.

And to the lucky groom-to-be, if you hurt her, I’ma see you bruh.