The new millenium is here, and there are still black women who contend that there is a shortage of good black men. First, we need to define for ourselves exactly what is a good black man. Is a good man one whose annual income exceeds our own? Is he defined by the property he owns, the car he drives, or his ability to take us on expensive, luxurious vacations? Or, is a good black man one who is loving, respectful, honest, trustworthy, dependable, faithful, and well-liked by our family and friends? For some of us it is a combination of both the financial and personality aspects, but there are a good number of sisters who define a good black man solely by his income and the fruits of his labor. Very few women will use only character traits to determine whether a man is worthy of their time and energy. Most women want to know that no matter how kind and gentle a man is, that he can afford some of the finer things in life.

Let's face it, we all enjoy the finer things such as being wined and dined, and wisked off to some romantic Carribean getaway, and we want the perfect gentleman. Is it possible to have both? Absolutely, but we can't have it all. Even with his monetary competence and wonderfully tender way he connects with you, there will always be something about him that will test your patience and make the relationship more challenging. Maybe it's the way he's never on time, or maybe it's the way he eats, or complains that he always has to bring his work home. Whatever the case, black women have to be flexible, and understand that you should never demand that a man bring more to the table than you are able to bring. What it boils down to is that we have to develop ourselves as women before we decide what we want in a mate.

When a woman chooses a mate, she tends to make a mental list of all the things she wants in a man. Unfortunately, black women rarely take the time to figure out what it is about themselves that needs to be changed. Women should ask themselves questions about whether or not they are spiritual and trustworthy enough, as well as question their own levels of patience and tolerance. In addition black women should determine if they are satisfied with their own incomes to be sure they are not choosing men they think will take care of them. Many times, it is the questions a woman asks about herself which determine what she should search for and expect in a mate.

Another thing black women should question themselves about is their cultural flexibility. For example, when a black woman chooses a mate, maybe the scope should be broader than just a black man's personality and financial gain. Perhaps the man of your dreams isn't a black man at all. This is not to say that black women should go running straight to white men, necessarily, but maybe the best mate for you is Native American, Puerto Rican, Latino, Spanish, or Indian. Although there is a widespread belief that there is a shortage of good black men, there is not a shortage of good men. Also, the world has changed so much and is everchanging, that as we move into the future, we cannot afford to be shortsighted. Of course, cultural differences will be a perpetual challenge for your relationship, but it can also be fun and rewarding to learn about one another as you are loving one another.

** Have a question or comment for Laura Cherry? You may e-mail her at highergroundonline@highergroundonline.com **