Being single and in my mid-twenties, I find myself in groups of fellow “mid-twentiers” quite often. Some are married and some are in relationships. But for the most part, the majority are single. We have conversations about a plethora of topics, ranging from music to spirituality to growing old. However, it seems as though no matter what circle of friends I am in, eventually we will get on the topic of relationships. The subjects of conversation on this topic vary from cheating to how crazy woman/men are. I am sure that everyone reading this has had some of the same conversations, so it is safe to say that we have all been in similar situations.

No question or comment is too “off the wall” amongst my circles of friends and most of the questions have a revolving cycle to them, somewhat similar to singular card in a trivia game that uses a deck of cards to ask questions. The questions seem to reemerge over and over. I am normally reserved and choose to speak only when spoken to when the subject of relationships emerges. I like to hear the views of others how others and see where their heads are. However, the topic discussed in this piece has been debated far too many times and I feel it is way past due for me to express my opinion on the subject.

While having dinner with some friends one Sunday afternoon, the dinner discussion directed its way to relationships. Now mind you I was the only man at this dinner sitting with three single women, all reaching their thirties or already in them. As I devoured some very delicious chicken, the question was put on the table (no pun intended), “Why are some brothers so trifling?” This age old question caused an immediate and involuntary reaction by me, which included my eyes rolling back in my head and the requisite expression on my face to express the “Oh here we go with this again” sentiment that I was feeling upon hearing it. I could not keep quiet any longer, and I broke the answer down as simply as I could:

“Because we can be!”

Point blank. Women allow men to be trifling. My statement is mainly based on an equation that I formulated based on various readings and observations made throughout my years on earth. The equation reads as so:

Black women in the 24 to 30 year age range out number men by a 1.2 to 1 ratio. Out of that one man, approximately 0.2 are incarcerated. Another 0.3 are uneducated and another 0.1 is homosexual, thus leaving a measly 0.4 of a man who is eligible and appealing. So the numbers break down to state that there is 1 man for every 3 women. Interesting huh? With these numbers in place, I continued to elaborate on the fact that good women are looking for good men, but the numbers are so lopsided that some women are going to come up short. That group in turn may end up settling for a mate that is less than ideal, and often find themselves tolerating behavior that would be unacceptable under normal circumstances.

Such behavior may come in the form of “excused infidelity,” where some women will allow a man they are interested in to date more then just her. This is not to say that they necessarily condone these actions, but as the numbers state (0.4), it is a difficult task for some to find a man, especially one that is doing something with his life and does not have too many major issues (0.4). Therefore, some feel compelled to allow a man to ‘do his thing’ because they would rather be chosen in the long run than take themselves out of the running too early.

Now ladies, this piece is in no way advocating this type of dynamic, but rather a vehicle to shed some light on a topic that is starting to become very redundant when singles talk about sexes. However, I do hope that this piece opens the minds of some woman that abuse the system; meaning women who have one of these good 0.4 of a man still choose to do wrong.

Remember that relationships and love can be thought of as a gamble. Under that premise, what makes you think that you will be a winner at finding a mate multiple times? And if you are a multiple winner, the wins may come few and far between. In this game, you will lose more times than you win. Do not ruin good thing, ladies. The numbers are not in your favor.