When dealing with relationships, in a perfect utopian society, the rules of love go something like this:

1. Graduate from college (if you go that route, if not then subtract this rule)

2. Find a good job

3. Save money for the future
4. Find a mate (if you don’t already have one)
5. Get engaged
6. Get Married

Sounds good doesn’t it?  There is only one problem; this is not a perfect world.  Therefore, these rules are not always logical.  The problem is that some young adults think this is the route to go.  We have been brainwashed into believing that this is the way life goes once you become an adult.  We have been told that after you conquer steps 1-4 that it’s only logical that we go through with steps 5 & 6.  Some of our parents have followed those steps and are still happy and together, so we look at their example and think that it is the right thing to do. 

Well, I am here to say that this is not always the way to go.  Some of us are simply not ready to become a wife or husband.  Now this article is in no way to deter couples that are together and actually are ready to become “one.”  There are some of those couples out here, but they are few and far between.  This article is for the people that are either: 

a)  embarked on step 4 and believe they have to continue on, or

b)  find themselves being pressured into marriage because it is the “in thing to do;” they feel they are at the age where it is only right to get married; heck - all of your friends are getting snatched up.

Getting married is not a game.  It is not something that you can turn off and on like a water faucet.  It is a lifetime agreement between two people that GOD has ordained (and I’m sorry to have to say this, but the marriage will not last if GOD has not ordained it).  I look at too many people my age (and younger) jumping into the world of marriage.  Are they really ready?  Some of them are without a shadow of a doubt.  Others I question as soon as I hear that a ring has been planted on the finger or that the brother is shopping for rings. 

Men and women are brought up to believe that they have to get married by the time they reach their mid-twenties.  Is there some sort of a race to get married before you are 30?  If it is, many people are doomed!  The following are two real-life examples of couples simply not being ready for marriage.

I know a female in her early twenties who is still in undergrad and got engaged around a year ago.  Before I continue, I would like to state that I have never met ANYONE WHO GETS ENGAGED WHILE STILL BEING IN COLLEGE WHO IS READY FOR MARRIAGE.  This female is no exception.  This young lady gets engaged to her boyfriend who lives out of the state. STRIKE ONE.  She gets engaged at an extremely young age. The people she hangs around are not in the same frame of mind.  So they are doing the complete opposite of what she needs to be doing and her man is not there to keep her focused.  She seems happy at the moment, but still has some previous ‘baggage’ from past relationships, which never had any closure. Because of this, she winds up sleeping with said “baggage” numerous times.  Trifling huh?  Well that is not the end of the story.  This female also winds up meeting someone else.  strike two.  Why are you meeting other people if you are ENGAGED to be married?  She becomes very attracted to this person and they begin to talk on regular basis about life, love & happiness.  They are both physically attracted to one another and the sexual tension is at an all time high.  They do not have sex, mainly due to distance.  But throughout this whole ordeal, she NEVER tells the guy that she is ENGAGED!!  strike three – hold up, wait a sec.  That was a foul tip. It is still strike two….meaning there is more.  I forgot to mention that the guy she slept with and the guy she is heavily attracted to are close friends.  STRIKE THREE, and your ass is out!!

What is really going on through this female’s head?  This is what happens when you are too young to cross a bridge as big as marriage.  She was not mature enough to handle this long distance relationship the way it should have been handled, not to mention that some of the people surrounding her where not people she needed to be around.

Yes, I realize the female’s actions are quite trifling, but simply put - she is not ready for marriage.  Fellas, how would you feel if the female you asked to spend the rest of your life with was doing some mess like this?  In this situation, I do not only feel sorry for the female, but for her fiancé as well.  He is somewhere in another state probably thinking that he has a “queen” on his hands.  If he knew the truth, he would realize he was sadly mistaken. 

The first example occurred because the female proposed to was not truthful with herself as well as everyone else involved, and she therefore chose to spare feelings and accept.  I am not saying the people involved were not right for one another, but sometimes people are not right for each other at certain times in their lives.  I feel that she accepted because she felt he may never ask her again.  Therefore, she felt she had to get on the bus when it came around, even though she did not have all her belongings ready for the trip.

The second example looked very promising in its infant stages.  The couple had been together half of their collegiate lives.  They graduated and moved away from one another for career reasons, but stayed together.  What was left for them to do?  They are on step 4, right?  The man proceeded to ask the women for her hand in marriage.  She accepted and they were married 8 months after the proposal.  One year later, they were separated.  He sites that she is not the same person she was when they were “just a couple.” 

In the second example, the female may have been looking at those six steps thinking that she must act when the opportunities presented themselves.  Additionally, women are conditioned as little girls to have the man of her dreams who she loves sweeping her off her feet and them living happily ever after.  The  male may have been looking at those same steps thinking, “Well what is there left for us to do?  We have been together for X amount of years or months.  People are going to start questioning what the hold up is sooner or later.” 

We as rational human beings should not constrain ourselves to these rules and what other people think we should be doing.  This is your life and you are the only one that has to live it.  You will be the only one going through the drama and stress of being in an unhappy home, going to counseling, leading to lawyer fees and court battles!  And since you will be doing this alone, your should make your decisions on your own with out any outside influence.  

We have to realize that when it is our time to make that commitment, GOD will open every door to make your union with your mate as stress free as possible.  Why?  Because it is in HIS WILL; not yours, your mates, your parents or your friends.

“Haste makes waste,” so please do not fall into the utopian mind state and lose all of your common sense.  If you look deep inside the mirror of yourself, you will know if you are ready for commitment or not, just don't glance at those 6 steps taped to the mirror when your looking.