This is not referring to the choice given to those about to catch a bullet for some wrongdoing. It is referring to how one makes decisions when choosing a mate. Are you using your “head” or your “gut?”

This topic came to my attention when a number of friends informed me that they were having the same problem at the same time, all in separate situations. It seemed as though after their long-term relationships were coming to a head, and all parties involved were at a crossroads. Time for the BIG decision – take it to “the next level” (meaning engagement, marriage, etc.) or part ways.

That decision is one that we as adults have to answer in every relationship we choose to engage in, whereas in our younger days things were not so drastic and final. It used to be okay to have relationships for years on end without having to deal with the prospect of marriage in a serious context. However, once one passes through their early 20’s, one has to think about one’s future and the person he or she chooses to be with in the long-term.

As my friends were all coming to grips with the decision facing them, they all seemed to have a conflict between their “heads” and their “guts.” On one hand, the women they were with for all intents and purposes were good choices for potential wives. There were educated, successful, attractive, genuine and most importantly – they truly loved each other. On paper, the relationships looked as though they were destined for success. The “head” had done a good job in picking these mates.

But what about the “gut?” The whole reason for contemplation in these situations was the uncertainty deep down inside each man was feeling as to whether or not these good women were women they could spend the rest of their lives with. Each one of them had their own set of qualities their mates were lacking, which were desired traits for their future wives. The missing qualities ranged from domestic issues to interest compatibility to communication problems. Were these qualities serious enough to end the relationships over? Could these issues be overcome or would they intensify as time passed? Should they make what those around them considered to be the “smart” choice or should they follow instinct and go with their “guts?”

As our generation has grown up in the “age of divorce” where half of all marriages end in court, the decision of a lifetime partner has become increasingly difficult and is handled with the utmost care by most people these days. The fear of failed marriages has to rank amongst the top phobias for single people. So as you make your decisions that affect the course of your future, and whether or not “division of assets” will be a part of your vocabulary, think about how you are making your decisions – with your “head or gut?”