That initial contact led to months of daily communication where she and I talked about everything from politics to entertainment to family. It was really interesting to “really” get to know someone you thought you knew already, not to mention the fact that she was a truly interesting person. Additionally, in getting to know her I learned a lot about myself because of many similarities between our personalities. It was a comfortable place, and I could not get enough of it.

One day, a mutual friend of ours brought something to my attention that has forever changed my life. He was noting the fact of how much I spoke of Janet in casual conversation. I guess that would not have been a bad thing if it were not for the fact that I was still in the midst of my four-year relationship, and that my significant other was not mentioned nearly as much. That revelation caused me to look at that situation from an outsider’s point of view, and I realized how much Janet had become a part of my life. I also realized that the reason I had allowed myself to become close to her was because we understood each other in ways that no one else understood us. My crazy quirks didn’t seem so crazy anymore and I was not alone.

In the time that has passed since, Janet and I have both ended long-term relationships and have remained friends throughout. Our level of communication fluctuates at times because of our schedules and commitments, but whenever we do communicate or hang out, the comfort is still there. I often wonder if she is my “soulmate” - if there is such a thing.

In examining relationships with the opposite sex, every person should take an honest, objective approach to doing so, and not focus on the reality we have each created for ourselves in order to continue to function as we so choose. The real questions to be answered is how many “real friends” do you have of the opposite sex and how many people are a circumstance or two away from being a lover or significant other?

Every person tries to convince themselves of their nobility when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. But be honest with yourself. You have those thoughts of what things “might be” like if you and your friend were to give it a try. It’s natural. Who knows you better than your closest friends? Who understands you when no one else does? Who do you lean on in times of need? Who is the sympathetic ear when your significant other is putting you through stress? Who do you tell all the stuff you can’t tell anyone else including your significant other? Well, if that person happens to be of the opposite sex, you are in some ways involved in two relationships; maybe more.

This is in no way and indictment of every male/female friendship. I believe most of us carry on plutonic relationships in a very healthy manner. My premise is the fact that I don’t think we do so as often as we would like to give ourselves credit for.

Don’t the old folks always say “You gotta be friends first?”

The can of worms is officially open.

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