Question One.

My fiancee is a beautiful woman however, we are having one serious problem that is making me re-think marriage. I am sexually adventurous and she is very shy in bed. At first, I thought that her innocence was normal due to the fact that I was her “first”. However after our 3 years together, she has not gained the courage to explore various sexual positions or just try new things with me. I am usually the one who initiates intimacy and she seems to just go along to make me happy. She also complains often of painful sex, which I think is just an excuse. Furthermore, there are certain acts that I am used to “receiving” in the bedroom (if you know what I mean) that she is just too shy or embarrassed to do. She is a good woman and will make a wonderful mother in the future. What do I do? I cannot have a life partner whom I am not sexually compatible with.

Answer:
You are absolutely correct. You cannot successfully have a life partner without sexually compatibility. According to the book; His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harvey, the number one male need in a marriage is satisfying sex. On the other hand, the number one female need in marriage is intimacy through attention. In order to save your relationship, I challenge you to think about what attracted you to your fiancee initially. Were you mainly attracted to her because of the fact that she was a virgin? Be honest. If so, you need to realize that your needs have changed through the years. You cannot realistically expect a woman with no experience to have the sexual repertoire of a more experienced woman. In having said that, I challenge you to open the lines of communication with her about sex. Find out what her attitudes are concerning all aspects of sex. Does she think that “nice girls don’t” or “sex is bad”? If she has these attitudes, you might want to seek couples therapy to explore how you might become more sexually compatible. Seek a Doctors assistance on the issue of painful sex. Painful sex for women is not an excuse, but a serious medically based condition titled Dyspareunia or psychological condition titled Vaginismus. Both are treated with medication and/or therapy. In the bedroom refrain from telling her what you want but gently communicate how much you would love for her to do certain things. Provide the important need of attention and intimacy for her. Create romantic evenings with dinner and flowers. Compliment her and assure her that she is special. Most of all be patient and take things slow concerning sex. A woman is more sexually open based on how her man makes her feel.

Question Two:


I met this girl that has a man, but she is tired of his controlling thugged out lifestyle and plus they have been together for 4 years and ole buddy is IN LOVE...I have a woman and she is a good person but we just aren’t compatible, I’m watching CNN and reading the wall street journal and she is still reading YM, and TEEN PEOPLE and her ass is older than me (24 I’m 21)....
So anyway, we are both cheating on our spouses with each other as of now. We are confused as hell, we are totally compatible we like the same music, have the same interest's, we just enjoy each others company...advice please. Any kind will do.

Answer:
Interesting scenario. First things first, you must stop yourself and re-evaluate. Are you staying with your girlfriend because she is a “safety net” for you? You need to decide if your girlfriend is the right one for you, if she isn’t let her go and be by yourself for a minute. I do not recommend breaking up with your girlfriend for this other women. Although you two seem to be compatible, I do believe in the old adage of “misery loves company”. Basically, if both of your relationships were doing well, you wouldn’t need the other. Additionally, relationships that start out like this are often laden with trust issues based on how it started. Get yourself in check man, if Miss Teen people doesn’t do it for you, let her go. Then decide if you really want Mrs. Thug Passion to change her last name.

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